There’s a saying that you can only love another person if you love yourself first. Most married couples amaze us for staying together. On the other hand, anyone who has been in a relationship and has had to navigate a psychological minefield notwithstanding real effort to understand, to be patient with, or to communicate with one’s partner can attest to the fact that it can all become so exhausting.
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Constantly evaluating yourself and your relationship issues needs to be done to get a grip on what’s bothering you and/or your mate.
It turns out part of the reason why even blissfully happy couples part ways is because one of the parties relied totally on the other (emotional immaturity), or there were feelings of distrust, anger, and resentment widening an existing gap. Oftentimes, differences in cultural upbringing also emerge as the culprit.
Hollywood’s famous and beautiful couples Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Orlando Bloom & Miranda Kerr are but some examples of marriages that fizzled out. These couples admit that their relationships weren’t always rainbows and sunshine. In fact, they worked at it, yet tough times – incompatibilities or betrayal – can overwhelm most couples. At least two of these celebrity couples went through a whirlwind romance, and got ahead and plunged into marriage, only to discover later on that they have different values – on rearing kids, on handling finances, on their views about sex, and so on and so forth.
The Usual Issues Confronting Couples
Part of the reason why couples decide to separate is because of the realization that they’re a bad fit. When one party becomes too smothering, possessive or demanding, the partner may freak out and want out. Fear can be a very powerful factor prompting people to back out from a relationship. It can be fear of more miserable moments in the future, fear of not being able to hurdle the relationship issues, or fear of not being appreciated enough.
What most couples tend to overlook is that relationships require hard work. Sure, there will be problems that may plague your relationship, but if you take the time to evaluate and re-evaluate yourselves, and to look closely at how your relationship is moving along, you may save yourself a great deal of frustrations and heartaches. Communication is key to uncovering pent-up sentiments that may spell relationship trouble.
Outside the celebrity circle, regular couples go through certain problems that tend to put a strain on their relationships. Some of the most common problems pertain to emotional issues. Oftentimes, one is not emotionally mature, or is lugging around emotional baggage or is still hurting or bearing the trauma of a previous relationship that did not work out. Marriage counselors cite that lots of relationships that cool down at a rapid pace owing to the inability of one’s partner to let go of past issues, move on with the current relationship. What usually happens is that one partner ends up blaming the other one for all the bad feelings rising to the surface while in the relationship.
When a couple builds up resentment and contempt for each other such that they no longer recall what brought them together in the first place, they start to look elsewhere for validation, leading to marital collapse. Interestingly, studies and findings of counseling professionals show that failure to find new ways of communicating (especially if couples spend lots of time apart) and not prioritizing the relationship have been found to be the top twin reasons why couples formalize their separation.
The Importance of Self-Evaluation
One of the pitfalls of some people in relationships is they allow their world to revolve around their partner. What some individuals fail to realize early on is that a measure of personal fulfillment can only be obtained from social activities occurring outside a relationship. It’s important to have a life of your own and not rely solely on your partner for your happiness.
When relationship problems do occur, sometimes, riding it out hoping that the “excitement” or interest in you will be regained may not turn out the way you expect. Relationship experts maintain that the best way to approach a recurring relationship problem is really to ask your partner what’s going on, coupled with some soul-searching.
A person in a relationship must also be alert to red flags in a relationship. There have been countless cases wherein the guy has started exhibiting that he’s not that into his significant other anymore. When you both evaluate why your relationship has soured, figure out what may be the dominant issues that have surfaced. It’s possible that love may still be present, but note that certain things can put a huge strain on a relationship, thereby limiting the ability of your partner to nurture or to continue to give love.
An honest self-evaluation may also alert a person to other red flags. Apart from exclusively relying on one’s partner, another negative factor that may lead to relationship blues is entering a relationship with a feeling of self-entitlement or too much expectation, without regard for the other person’s own needs. This may be categorized as an attitude problem. Psychologists note that some people in relationships who show bad behavior may not show remorse, much less take responsibility and apologize for their transgressions. This is a red flag for a doomed relationship.
Taking the necessary steps
Whatever the reasons that aggravate relationship problems – emotional immaturity, differing values on raising kids, handling money matters, lack of social balance, betrayal & dissipation of trust (or even not taking care of yourself physically), three’s a way to deal. It’s important to remember that a give-and-take relationship and communication are vital. When you enter a relationship, you must do so with your eyes and heart wide open.
To attract the right person into your life, one with whom you can share common values and interests, you can work with the Law of Attraction. Working at a relationship entails evaluation along with taking a series of steps that includes hearing out your partner’s point of view. It’s also crucial to adopt a positive mindset that the relationship will work out.
